Solution to Screaming

Big Bro has never been that excited about preschool. He has fun when he's there and gets glowing reports, but at home he pitches a fit each school morning.

I was getting really tired of his tantrums every time I would have to tell him, "it's a school day, please go get dressed."

Nooooooo! It isn't! I'm not going!!!! Cry. Scream. Whine. Pout. Stomp. Repeat.

Over the Christmas break I read Vicki Hoefle's book "Duct Tape Parenting." In it she talks about making kids take on responsibilities for themselves in age appropriate ways to make mornings run more smoothly. She talks specifically about kids having an alarm clock to get up for school so that it's not mom doing the all the wake up calls and insisting, "no really, it's time, I mean it, you have to get up and dressed for school."

I had an alarm clock for school days when I was little (my mom laughed when I explained Vicki Hoefle's methods because they are so similar to what she did when I was growing up), so this wasn't a parenting leap...merely a recognition that it's time. 

I asked if Big Bro would like to have an alarm clock to get him up on school days. He was very excited by this, so we went to the store and he picked out his own clock. It barks when it rings.

I told him that on school days his alarm will bark and that's his cue to get dressed, brush teeth, and eat breakfast. If he does all those things with time leftover, then he can watch a short show before school.

So far the system is working wonderfully and we have had much happier, smoother, and timely mornings. Let's hope it continues even after the novelty has worn off.

Chinese Food, Curtains, and Crankiness

On Monday night my husband and I got an impromptu date night courtesy of Grandma. We didn't want to miss an opportunity so we went out to dinner at an upscale Chinese restaurant, then to see X-men Days of Future Past.

Lil Sis had taken a late nap that day. We fully expected that she would be awake when we got home. However, we did not expect Big Bro would also still be awake.

Thankfully, the kids went to bed quickly after we got back home. X-Men, by the way, was amazing. And I'm not even a "true" X-Men fan!

The next morning Big Bro woke up first. This is an unusual event. By contrast, Lil Sis slept in.

Big Bro was a bear. So much crying. So much whining. 

I spent much of the morning cleaning. Big Bro has been dealing with allergies so I thought that by thoroughly cleaning his room and taking down the curtains it would help.

In the afternoon I, perhaps foolishly, decided that they needed new curtains TODAY. The old baby decor curtains were thin and let in lots of light. In the summer we put blankets over them so that it is dark enough in their room at 7:30 pm when they go to bed. I didn't want to go back to the old curtain system after cleaning so much, so loaded the kids in the car and drove to Big Lots! to find some light blocking curtains.

Lil Sis fell asleep, which was expected. Big Bro also fell asleep, which made sense given his mood that morning, but was unexpected and rather unfortunate.

I sat in the parking lot giving them their much-needed rest. When they awoke I loaded them into the cart and rolled into the store. They both got to pick out their own color of curtains since the room has two windows. All good things, right? We even bought a snack.

Big Bro's mood was even worse than it had been before his nap. He cried, he whined, he drove me absolutely crazy!

We got home and I plied him with snacks and drink just as he had whined about the whole way home. 30 minutes worth.

My husband had a meeting, so I was on my own straight through bedtime. Because of their naps, both kids didn't want to go to sleep.

All I can say is, enjoy your impromptu night out while you can. There is a good chance you will be paying for it the next day.

The Disappearance of Baby Pepper

Several nights ago my husband and I were putting the kids to bed. All of a sudden Lil Sis said, "I want my Baby Pepper!"

"Have you seen her?" I whispered to my husband. "I haven't seen her all day."

"No, haven't seen her either." he whispered back uneasily.

Thankfully I was able to distract Lil Sis with two other beloved stuffed friends, a mommy fox and baby fox just like her big cousin has.

We looked around that evening and over the following days in the house and the car, but Baby Pepper was nowhere to be found. I started wracking my brain to think when was the last time I saw her?

Then I realized, the last time I remembered seeing her was almost a week ago when we went with to Friendly's with some cousins. We had left the restaurant in a bit of a rush as kids were getting restless. Maybe I forgot Baby Pepper there? It was a late night realization so the next morning I called the restaurant.

"Have you seen a little black stuffed dog?" I asked hopefully to the guy on the other end of the line. He asked the other staff if they were working on Sunday (the day we went) and had seen the dog in question. 

No one had.

"I lost my son's little snuggly lamb once." said the guy on the other end of the line. "I let it fall out of the stroller in a store and my wife never let me forget it even to this day. My son is six years old now!"

I appreciated the commiseration, but it was no real comfort for me. I left my name and number just in case Baby Pepper did turn up.

After not seeing Baby Pepper for over a week I started searching online to see if I could find a replacement. I didn't know if Lil Sis would go for it, but I had to try. She was asking about Baby Pepper more and more often but each time I just redirected her to something else.

I found a look alike online, and asked my husband if he agreed that I should order it. "Let's wait until tonight ," he said.

We forgot to talk about it later that night. But, as we returned home from music class this morning, Lil Sis reached down and picked up Baby Pepper from the middle of the hallway! She was so happy! She gave her beloved friend a big long hug, and cooed "Baby Pepper! I found Baby Pepper!"

Oh what a relief! I'm glad I didn't order that replacement. Turns out my husband found Baby Pepper squished in between our bed and the floor. I don't know when or how she got there, but boy am I glad she came back!

Spring Respite from Kids

It was one of those evenings. Big Bro started wailing inconsolably for no apparent reason other than it was the 5:00 witching hour. He acted out just to get attention then howled even more. I cooked dinner as fast as I could knowing food would improve the situation greatly.

We really did have a fun day. Big Bro's first day back at preschool after spring break, Lil Sis' first day back at music class, Grandma and Grandpa returned from Florida, it was gorgeous outside so we played and went to the local plant nursery. A good day all in all, but over stimulation for little ones fries their circuits and inevitably leads to meltdowns.

At the nursery we had bought asparagus roots and I really wanted to get them into the ground. Asparagus isn't vulnerable to frosts like other garden plants so it's ok to plant them now even during this chilly spring. Spring! What a welcoming thought. Planting these roots was an affirmation that summer really will get here.

My husband and I divided and conquered to get the laundry switched and the kids out the door. Then I started working on planting the asparagus while the kids tried to "help."

"Go help, Daddy!" I said through gritted teeth in the calmest voice I could muster. I was tired too and my patience was worn thin. After several reminders they did leave me alone. I dug the asparagus trenches in peace. Set the spidery looking roots into their holes, then covered them back up being careful to mark them with sticks so I wouldn't mistake the temperamental asparagus plants with weeds this summer.

 

The best part was that the kids were far away from me playing on their playground with Daddy and Grandma. Sometimes a mama just needs some time to herself!

Big Bro saw me watering so insisted on helping, which was alright. He's pretty good at following directions when he wants to.

Then Lil Sis wanted in on the action too. She was not good about following directions. I fought her on it for a while because we were sharing the same watering can. My own tiredness and frustration was getting the best of me. Finally I put my "smart mom" hat back on and let her do whatever she wanted with the watering can while I got a bucket to do the real watering with.

Although it wasn't as much of a solo exercise as I had hoped, it was a nice welcome to spring and the coming gardening season, and a short respite from tired, cranky kids.

¿Legos y Mega Bloks? ¡Muy bueno!

I recently wrote about wanting my kids to have a non-commercial childhood, and I really do believe that, but I also don't want to deprive them of popular culture entirely. With most things in life, what we really need is balance.

Lil Sis has been really into Dora the Explorer for quite a while. She calls the both the show and the character Boots the Monkey "Ooh Ooh ah ah!" She even says it with the same intonation that Boots himself uses. It's very cute, but I digress…

If you read my Jumping off the Brandwagon post, you know that I didn't buy her Dora bedding because I don't want her room to look like an advertisement for a certain franchise. Even so, I still wanted to get her something of her favorite TV show because I knew it would make her happy.

In a box of hand-me-downs I found a Dora T-shirt that was just the right size. We gave it to her on the morning of her second birthday. She promptly got her breakfast on it. Ah, to be 2!

I also browsed the internet for Dora paraphernalia worthy of being her birthday present. I found some beanie babies and other stuffed versions of Dora and her friends. They were kind of expensive and wasn't convinced that she would play with him all that much.

Then I found Dora the Explorer Mega Bloks. We got her an adorable set with Dora's house that you can reconfigure anyway you want, plus furniture, a Dora figurine and a figurine of Dora's lizard-friend "Issa." We got a second set with an RV type van because it came with Dora's best friend Boots, (a.k.a. "Ooh Ooh ah ah!") the van can also be reconfigured. It's figurines and dolls, playing house, and building things all in one!

As another big bonus, Mega Bloks are compatible with Lego Duplo. We have a lot of Lego Duplo, so now Lil Sis' Dora adventures can get even more creative.

A Test in Letting Go

I took the kids to an open gym session at a local gymnastics school. Last time was a wee bit stressful so I had some reservations.

Last time we went I was 7 months pregnant with Lil Sis, and Big Bro was not quite 2. At that time Big Bro was too freaked out by the ultra bouncy floors, but he loved the foam pit best! So there I was, very pregnant, and in the foam pit trying to protect my not-yet-two-year old from getting stuck in the foam and from kids flying every which way jumping nearly on top of us at times. Yup, not ideal.

"Look out","Be careful","Watch out for that boy!" I don't want to undermine my child's confidence by telling him to always be careful, but that can be hard to do with kids running left and right. Toddlers/preschoolers aren't exactly known for their awareness or self-control.

This time Big Bro was able to do it all himself. I still got nervous with kids running and colliding and landing in the foam pit inches from each other. But I restrained myself from calling out too many warnings, and there were no injuries, tears, or even bumps. It was a lesson for me in letting go. To trust that Big Bro can be aware of his surroundings, his body, other kids, and not crash.

"He floats through the air with the greatest of ease,
the daring young man on the flying trapeze"

This time I had Lil Sis to keep track of. She was content to chase balls on the giant springy mat where gymnasts do their floor routines. With Baby Pepper in tow of course. There were a few giant bouncing exercise balls that I deflected from knocking her down, but she did well. 

I think I did too. 

Sleep Wars

In the world of babies, toddlers, and even preschoolers, getting an uninterrupted night of sleep is a challenge. Anyone who tells you that their young children sleep through the night, in their own beds, all the time is either unbelievably lucky or lying to you.

In my 3 and 3/4 years of parenting young children we have tried it all sleep-wise. We had our babies sleep in a crib or bassinet in our room, co-sleep in our bed, sleep in various types of child beds in their own rooms and in a shared room. Each method seems to work for a while, but kids are constantly growing, changing, entering new phases, wrapping up old phases--hence the plethora of sleeping arrangements in our house.

My kids seem to be particularly high maintenance at night. The most recent sleep phase is that our kids sleep in their own beds in their shared room. It worked ok for a while, but before long it was back to musical beds. My daughter started waking up frequently at night in her toddler bed. I got tired of getting up to frequently to soothe her, so brought her back into bed with us part way through each night. Then my son decided that his room is spooky and he is scared of everything at night. This requires that we stay with him until he falls asleep, and even then he still sneaks into our bed in the wee hours. At first he made a big production of it, tears, etc. However, he's a smart cookie, and because we kept bringing him back to his own bed, he switched to sneaking in with stealth mode.

Stealth mode doesn't work when his sister has already had a rough night and is already in bed with us. In these instances, there is simply no room in bed so it's hard to be stealthy. Since the weather has gotten cold my son has spent a night or or two curled up at the foot of our bed with the dog (Pepper only sleeps with us when it's cold). Five beings in one queen sized bed is not fun. Both my husband and I have resorted, on different nights, to transfer and sleep blissfully alone in my son's abandoned twin bed.

Once again something has to give. Our newest tactic is that we provide enthusiastic praise when my son sleeps the whole night in his own bed. In the event that he does want to sneak into our bed in stealth he gets transferred to a crib mattress beside our bed (my mother in law's suggestion because that's what she did for my husband when he was little). We also just started weaning him, and his sister, from needing us to stay next to them until they fall asleep. This issue was forced by the fact that both my husband and I sometimes have meetings in the evening, or actually want to go out for a night of fun with friends (what???). Needing two parents on deck every night for bedtime is just impractical and makes solo bedtime duty pure torture for the parent on duty.

Once upon a time my son went to bed with just a bedtime story, a hug and kiss, and that was that. That's where I want to get back to: with both kids.

The problem with these sleep wars is that if you want things to really change you have to "be in it to win it." And that can mean a few nights of worse sleep than usual, and a lot of work bringing unwilling children back to their own beds, or telling them to lie down and go to sleep as you sit next to the door instead of their bed. We will get there eventually. Someday easier bedtime routines will stick and survive whatever new phase the kids are going through. I'm hoping for sooner rather than later.

Santa Comes Early

My son is discovering that there are a lot of toys available for purchase in the world. He sees toy commercials on tv if I'm not diligent enough to fast forward them or turn off his show in time. He also got to play with some fun remote control cars when we were running an errand at Radio Shack. Of course he tells me I should buy him every single toy he sees and likes.

Here it is, not even Halloween yet, but when faced with a steady stream of toy requests I answered, "Well, let's make a list so you can ask Santa for those toys. If you're good maybe he will bring you some of them."
So far his list includes:

• his own camera
• a guitar
• a "building" tow truck
• mighty mega monster trucks
• fancy magnetic blocks he saw on tv

Today, while playing with his father, he wrote his own letter to Santa and put it in an envelope. Since he's just 3 he can't actually write yet, so it's just red lines on the back of an old envelope that looks like a list. My husband put a fruit sticker on it as a postage stamp, and my son insists we need to mail it.

The envelope with fruit sticker stamp

His list for Santa

 At least with the concept of Santa Claus solidified I can deflect toy requests gracefully and give him incentive to behave. I can also read him The Berenstain Bears Meet Santa Bear book (again) where Sister Bear learns not to make her list for Santa too long.

Similarities in Parenting & Env. Policy Making

Parenting and environmental policy making have some striking similarities. Trying to mold and guide your children can be much like trying to mold and guide a state, country, or even the international community to protect the environment. Here's why:


COMMAND & CONTROL

Policy making: Command and Control is when the government tells an industry what objective they must meet, and can penalize an industry for its failure to comply. For example, the 1989 Montreal Protocol established specific targets to reduce the use gases that depleted the ozone layer. This forced the refrigerant industry to come up with new, safer gases for refrigeration. It is considered by many to be the most successful international treaty because it was ratified by 197 countries and has been continually revised and made more stringent. 


Parenting: I use command and control with my kids when I tell my son that his post-bath bedtime routine starts at 7:00 pm. The objective is to get him in his bed, tucked in with lights out by 7:30. If he is stalling too much I can penalize him by threatening to reduce the number of books we read before lights out. He only rarely has ever lost a storybook.

Ronald Reagan & Margaret Thatcher - 2 champions of the Montreal Protocol

CAP & TRADE
 
Policy making: Cap and Trade is a policy tool that sets an upper limit on a type of pollutant but gives sources of that pollutant some flexibility on how they comply. One of the most successful examples is the Acid Rain Program which set a time-decreasing cap on how much sulfur dioxide coal powered plants could emit. Plants could buy and sell available permits based on their needs. This created an incentive to find ways to reduce their emissions, and allows plants that could easily reduce their emissions to sell excess permits to plants that were slower to innovate.

Parenting: I cooked some noodles for dinner because it seems that is all my kids ever want to eat. Well, that and fruit. But one night my daughter was so hungry that she ate all her noodles and asked for more. Sadly, the pot was empty and the only noodles left were in her brother's bowl. She asked him for some of his noodles, and thankfully, he was happy to share, at least that night. I had a finite number of noodles and they had to work it out between themselves how to divvy them up. But unlike sulfur dioxide emission permits, I won't be decreasing the noodle supply at dinner.


VOLUNTARY PROGRAMS

Policy making: Governments institute voluntary programs when their regulatory capacity is weak Governments therefore make it optional for affected parties to comply and provide incentives for them to do so. One example here in Vermont is the Home Performance with Energy Star program. It's a voluntary program for homeowners to better insulate their homes, thus improving their efficiency and reducing CO2 emissions. The program offers grants to homeowners to reduce the overall cost of insulating their homes. My family participated in this program and it significantly reduced the cost of the project.

Parenting:  Voluntary programs, when it comes to parenting, are helpful when you enthusiastically suggest to your 3 year old, "Let's pick up the playroom!" then he screams "No!"  You spend a moment asking with him  again as he repeatedly says, "No! I wouldn't!" So you wrack your brain on how to get him to listen to you, then with a bit of desperation say, "If you help me clean up I will give you some chocolate chips!" Suddenly he is willing to pick up at least a little.

 

My son trying to recreate his standard retort "No, I wouldn't!"

He's smiling too much though.

ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT STATEMENTS (EIS)

Policy making: An EIS is a document required by the National Environmental Policy Act for development projects that "significantly affect the quality of the human environment." EIS reports are supposed to identify plausible alternatives for proposed projects and determine which alternative would have the least negative impact. A rather notorious EIS in today's media is for the Keystone XL pipeline, which is supposed to carry tar sands from Alberta, Canada to the Gulf of Mexico where it will then be shipped to Asian markets. The pipeline is controversial for many reasons, but two reasons are 1) because of how dirty and destructive tar sands are, and 2) the impact it will have on climate change. The latest investigation of the Keystone XL pipeline EIS is whether the consultant who performed the study had a conflict of interest because they have consulted for oil companies in the past. Ideally, the EIS should be objective, and truly informative about whether a project should be pursued or not, and how. It also provides a sounding board for the public and other interest groups to weigh in.

Parenting: In this case, your child is the equivalent of "the environment" and we as parents are constantly taking stock of our choices and alternatives and considering whether we are creating the best possible outcomes for our child. Am I too strict? Too lenient? Should I sign her up for x,y,z? How can I get him to eat more vegetables? What do I do about tantrums? When should she start potty training? We contemplate the various strategies we have seen in practice or read about and pick the best option for us. All the while we get advice and input from friends, our own parents, and even strangers when we are in public--whether welcome or not.

So there you have it. Policy is not that unlike parenting.

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