A Test in Letting Go

I took the kids to an open gym session at a local gymnastics school. Last time was a wee bit stressful so I had some reservations.

Last time we went I was 7 months pregnant with Lil Sis, and Big Bro was not quite 2. At that time Big Bro was too freaked out by the ultra bouncy floors, but he loved the foam pit best! So there I was, very pregnant, and in the foam pit trying to protect my not-yet-two-year old from getting stuck in the foam and from kids flying every which way jumping nearly on top of us at times. Yup, not ideal.

"Look out","Be careful","Watch out for that boy!" I don't want to undermine my child's confidence by telling him to always be careful, but that can be hard to do with kids running left and right. Toddlers/preschoolers aren't exactly known for their awareness or self-control.

This time Big Bro was able to do it all himself. I still got nervous with kids running and colliding and landing in the foam pit inches from each other. But I restrained myself from calling out too many warnings, and there were no injuries, tears, or even bumps. It was a lesson for me in letting go. To trust that Big Bro can be aware of his surroundings, his body, other kids, and not crash.

"He floats through the air with the greatest of ease,
the daring young man on the flying trapeze"

This time I had Lil Sis to keep track of. She was content to chase balls on the giant springy mat where gymnasts do their floor routines. With Baby Pepper in tow of course. There were a few giant bouncing exercise balls that I deflected from knocking her down, but she did well. 

I think I did too. 

The Baby Pepper Attachment

Lil Sis has suddenly adopted a best friend or snugly. It's a little black stuffed dog named "Baby Pepper" after our real dog, Pepper. Pepper the real dog is now known as "Big Pepper" so we can keep them straight.

Lil Sis, Big Pepper, & Baby Pepper

We have had "Baby Pepper" for a long time, so I'm not sure what brought on the sudden attachment. Lil Sis has not let Baby Pepper leave her side for several days now. She accompanies us to the grocery store, playgroup, music class, all around the house, and of course bed. 

Baby Pepper is the first thing Lil Sis requests in the morning, the last thing she mentions at bedtime, and several times during the day. She even woke up suddenly one night crying not for mommy, but--you guessed it--Baby Pepper!

Big Bro was never this attached to his stuffed animals so it's a new experience for us. It's sweet and cute, but mildly terrifying too. Last night Baby Pepper went missing so we all were searching frantically for her to avoid causing Lil Sis too much anguish. She was no where to be found. I started envisioning a miserable night with cries for the beloved friend. Then Big Bro pulled Baby Pepper out of his own secret hiding spot. Sneaky bugger. He knows the power of Baby Pepper.

I also don't have any backups of Baby Pepper. If she gets lost that's it. Maybe I should buy her a leash and a GPS tracking device.

So happy together. Lil Sis & Baby Pepper

When Moms Tire of Play

"Play with me, Mommy!" is a constant refrain in my house. And play I do. But sometimes I admit, I get really bored of playing. How many ways are there to play "Doggie" and what fun is playing when you, the mom, say "Let's make up a story, you start." and your child responds, "No, I want you to do it. I want you to do the whole thing." This isn't play. This is purely wanting to be entertained.

Don't get me wrong, I play with my kids a lot. But it's a long day between 8am when Daddy leaves for work, and 6:00pm when he returns. My kids no longer nap either (not reliably) so it's hard to get a break. Sometimes I clean the kitchen because it's always a mess, and because I know it will give me a little space and time to myself. At least for a short time. Even when I say, "I can't play now, I'm doing dishes." it can quickly devolve into Lil Sis pulling all the dirty dishes out of the washer and Big Bro still saying, "Mommy, let's play!"

This is something that adults and kids have dealt with forever. The episode of Sesame Street that we watched yesterday was all about Big Bird feeling sad because Gordon, Maria, and Alan (the adults on Sesame Street) couldn't play with him. Another episode featured Ernie feeling sad that he has no one to play with. It's a ubiquitous theme in children's shows, and in my life lately. I met a lady in a chiropractor's waiting room recently who told me her 9 year old just started being willing to entertain himself for 30 minutes. 9 years old??? 30 minutes??? Say it's not true!

So sometimes, when this mom is tired of play, and the kids won't do anything by themselves or with each other I started coming up with jobs for Big Bro to do. It's harder to incorporate Lil Sis, but she's easier to please these days anyway. Big Bro feeds our dog Pepper every day, and recently he sorted the clean silverware into the drawer for the first time. Sometimes I give him a spray bottle and cloth to clean the windows on some doors, or he sweeps the floor. The funny thing is he seems to think it's fun! For him it's doing something new while being with Mommy. For me it's doing something a little more adult (not that cleaning is super fun for adults) while still making space for my kids to be near me and participating. I think it's a good compromise, and my son is learning important skills/responsibilities in an age-appropriate way. The house gets cleaner too.

The Time, She Flies

"Enjoy your kids, the time goes so fast!" this is a phrase that any parent of young children is sure to hear often. Kids grow and change quickly and so are amazing time markers.Here is a series of pictures showing how much our lives have changed since 2012.

Sibling hug 2012 & 2013

Halloween 2012 & 2013

Dinosaur ride 2012 & 2013

Reading with Daddy 2012 & 2013

Toddler bed 2012 & 2013

Growing Up as a Family

My husband and I have decided that our family is complete. No more babies for us. As a result, I have started looking at couples announcing first pregnancies or navigating the first year of their baby's life in the same way that I looked at college freshman when I was a recent graduate. They are excited, nervous, a bit naive, but in for a great, life-changing adventure.

We have completed the pregnancy and infant stage. It was absolutely wonderful, and it's sad to let it go, but I'm ready. We are ready as a family to move on to new things. I love the stage that we are at right now with a toddler and a preschooler. Now my kids can communicate their needs much of the time, they can walk and run, they laugh at jokes, they do funny and brilliant things. My husband and I can teach them things, do fancier projects and read increasingly interesting stories at bed time.

I'm starting to see the light at the end of the diaper tunnel, I looking forward to steadily reducing the baby gear needed for really little ones: carriers and special dishes and high chairs. I'm looking forward to (hopefully) more restful nights with fewer interruptions. I'm excited for the activities we will be able to do with our kids as they grow: family trips, movies, theater, school functions, etc.

Life will get easier in a way once we are really free of naps and diapers and gear. Our activities and interactions will become more sophisticated. But parenting will get more complex too as my children grow from cuddly, mommy/daddy-worshiping babies into real kids with their own sense of self: dealing with conflicting ideas on what is appropriate behavior, rebellion, sibling rivalry, and letting them out into the wider world where I can't protect them from every hurt. We are definitely in the Authority stage with my 3 year old, as described by Ellen Galinsky. Setting and enforcing rules can be really difficult, and this is only the beginning!

I'm sure parents in each stage of parenthood look back at the earlier stages in the same way I now look at those in the pregnancy and infant stage--with both a sense of nostalgia and relief that they made it through. The important thing, of course, is to enjoy each stage and live it to the fullest while you're in it.

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